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Fred released this sextape in an attempt to drum up some publicity Come on Fred, we all know it was you! It was speculated that the entire genre of 'Nu-Metal' was merely angsty macho posturing in overcompensation for inverted genitalia, and Fred Durst confirmed this with his sextape. I mean, seriously, it looks like a button mushroom. I genuinely feel sorry for the girl in this film. I mean, she graduated from slutschool only to wind up as a jizzrag for Fred durst? Plus, he looks like a used tampon in this picture. Forever typecast and destined to be associated with the character of Samuel 'Screech' Powers, is there any wonder that the guy has a chip on his shoulder?

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You are also expected to believe that someone would actually willingly fuck screech. And I thought buying into 'Avatar' was hard. This film is a rarity in that it was actually personally released by Screech kerrigann than stolen. This fact also makes it ten times more depressingly pathetic, as he openly admits that he did it to try and retain his tenuous grip on fame. Infamously, Screech performs one of the vilest sex acts known to man in this tape: When capitalising upon this by marketing to the Bayside High faithful, Red Light District included a scratch-and-sniff card with Screech's musky scent. Well, they should have, anyway.

You're welcome, Red Light District's marketing team. And where is Screech now? No seriously, he is literally begging people for money. Avert your eyes from this picture, it burns with the power of Screech. Chyna We all know that Chyna looks like a dude; kind of like a genetically altered reverse Ru-Paul. So who in their right mind would think that we'd want to see her shagging gay bikeresque fellow wrestler X-Pac? Oh, thanks again, Red Light District, you purveyor of quality porn, you. As a rule, no porno should feature a chick with bigger muscles than the male star, and the female star definitely shouldn't have a bigger 'package'.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of your dick screaming. Well, in all honesty, it looks like an actual wrestling match. Chyna's pimply bouncing buttocks, abnormally large clitoris Seriously, it put Fred Durst's dick to shame. When Chyna and X-Pac start rubbing their dicks together like a boy-scout starting a fire, I honestly threw up in my mouth a little. After sixty steaming hot showers, a year of intense therapy and self induced pouring of corrosive acid into my own eyes, to this day I still feel soiled. Say no to wrestler porn. Statistics show that there are more people in Chyna than in any other country in the world. No wonder they're all communists. Verne Troyer is an ugly little fucker.

He's about as aesthetically appealing as a rectal polyp. Not once during the 'Austin Powers' series did I ever think to myself, "I wonder what Mini- Me would look like naked and banging a regular sized woman. He's the second last person next to Snooki I'd want to see naked, and he himself has no delusions, trying to get this tape blocked because of the sheer wrongness of it all.


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